From Rush Hour With Love

Posted on 17/02/2015 by Luke

Today is Valentine’s Day in Japan. What would normally be a day of loneliness and misery is dissolved by chocolate. Unlike in England, where you are expected to buy flowers, chocolates, and take your partner for a meal, Valentine’s Day is remarkably different here. It is on this day that women buy chocolates for men. I have become very used to not receiving even a card on this day, so when I found myself unable to leave my house because of the vast quantities of chocolate blocking my path, it was a pleasant surprise. Even my dentist gave me chocolates, which is rather odd considering the high sugar content and the effect it will have on my teeth.

In Japan, one month after Valentine’s Day is White Day. On White Day, the man returns the gesture to those who gifted him by buying the women sweets. As much as I appreciate the abundance of chocolate that I received today, it becomes apparent that White Day will be extremely expensive for me.

It is perhaps a sad part of Japanese culture that on Valentine’s Day, a man will wait with anticipation to receive chocolates from a woman that he might like, if only for the opportunity to return the gesture a month later. It is this style of gift-giving that makes the shy Japanese male miserable when no chocolate is received. I suppose that this theme remains common among all other cultures; Valentine’s Day and the misery attached to it. I can hardly complain, though. I received many gifts, despite the fact that I don’t really like the taste of chocolate. I actually preferred playing with the bubble wrap, after a nine-month absence of popping pockets of air-filled plastic.

After consuming the equivalent of my weight in confectionery, I head into Asakusa. Today, I have decided to finally visit a temple that I walk past every single day but never visit. It is a temple that is always absent of people, possibly cursed, and is surrounded by some strange energy that I have previously been unable to bring myself to ingress.

The temple offers very little description about itself; not even a name. Before the temple sits a small rock garden where it is impossible to view all of the rocks from any one angle. It is said that if you are truly enlightened, then you are able to see the eighth rock. Despite the various viewing angles I deploy, I find it impossible to see every rock at the same time, and consider that even those that surpass the normal level of human consciousness would still find it difficult to see all of the stones at the same time. Other than a cemetery for the wealthy tucked behind the temple, nothing much else is on offer here.

I leave the temple and head over to Akihabara. Today, there is an art exhibition taking place at 3331 Arts Chiyoda, a former high school converted into an art gallery. The exhibition features students who will graduate next month from the Takarazuka University of Art and Design. A friend of mine works for the university and has invited me along to sample the artwork of his students.

There are seventeen displays here from seventeen students, all twenty-two-year-old women. The first thing that strikes me is that a lot of the pieces have some form of macabre imagery. Paintings depict homosexual angels, others heavily feature corpses, and some are simply storyboards for books about clowns for children; obviously, the clowns look deliberately menacing and have been painted just to scare me.

Other pieces here are heavily influenced by famous stories. One piece is based on Ryunosuke Akutagawa’s ‘The Spider’s Thread,’ a story about too many people in hell (known in the story as the Pool of Blood) as they try to escape and reach the paradise above. One man walking through a forest didn’t kill a spider one day, so the silk of a spider’s web is dropped down to hell from paradise in an attempt to rescue him. Everyone reaches for the web in an attempt to climb to safety. Obviously, the weight of everyone in hell is far too heavy for the silk, and the web snaps, committing everyone to the Pool of Blood for eternity.

The highlight of the exhibition is a piece by Ozawa Yuki. Her painting depicts a dream, more specifically, the moment when you become fully awake and are only able to remember fragments of what was left behind. Another artist that I enjoy is Ogawa Sayako. These two pieces offer less of a description but are once again based on dreams. Something about places in dreams never existing anywhere in real life. I suppose these pieces are my favourite due to their abstruse and rather abstract style. After the art, I take the packed rush-hour train back to Asakusa, somewhat confused by the imagery I have just viewed.

There are certain things that become written about more often than others in Japan: signs with bad English and vending machines. I am guilty of writing about both of these things, and perhaps they aren’t the most interesting to mention. But when I saw another strange vending machine, I got a little excited, so I decided to include it here.

This machine, covered in dust, sells batteries from 1931. These batteries, made by Panasonic, are no longer in production. Yet, this machine sells them for around ¥300 a pair. Even though they do claim to be a ‘Top Seller,’ batteries are the very last thing I need in my life right now. The machine doesn’t actually work and seems absent of any power. Somewhat ironically, what the machine could really do with is some new batteries.

Befall Upon The Watchtower

Posted on 14/02/2015 by Luke

For whatever reason, someone has suggested to me that I check out the area where the Arakawa River and the Sumida River flow into one. As I head out into what feels like a spring afternoon, I realise that my destination today might offer little excitement to anyone, including myself. Somehow, I feel drawn in the direction of Arakawa, the shackles of free will severed from my legs. Part of me feels like there is a demon possessing my very soul, controlling my destiny as I cycle at rapid speeds in the direction of Arakawa.

I see the remnants of a temple or shrine, but it looks as though perhaps it is trapped within the confines of an industrial site. Not letting that stop me for one moment, I park my bicycle and wander in. Seconds later, I am cornered by a security guard. He shouts angrily in Japanese as he waves his hand in the direction of the street. A strong urge to not give up consumes me, and I quickly find myself on the other side of the complex.

It is a strange sight. I am standing along the Sumida River, and there is nothing but tall yellow grass stretching off in every direction. No cars pass along the road in front of the shrine. No people are walking. It is silent, yet only ten minutes away are the tall residential buildings that make up my neighbourhood. Looming over the Shinto shrine are three huge green balls, presumably part of a sewerage station. Perhaps the god of water treatment resides here.

I carry on my journey, not wanting to disturb the sewer gods, and eventually find a map. Sure enough, the place I had just visited is marked as ‘Sewer Station Shirahige Nishi Pump Place.’ However, there is no mention of any temple or shrine on the map. There is, however, one other interesting point of interest labelled as ‘Ballpark for boy Ground of using combinedly.’ I excuse the terrible English and carry on along the river.

Ten minutes later, my fanciful difficulty fades away, offering me some karmic resolve.

A watchtower. The best thing that has happened to me all week. It somehow feels like I am stumbling through an episode of the television drama ‘Lost’. For no apparent reason, there is a massive wooden watchtower sitting guard at the entrance to one of the bridges that traverses the Sumida River. What is it doing here? Who built it? Is this real? My mind floods with questions and possibilities, as if somehow collecting fragmented pieces of information and forming them into ideas in my head.

I park my bicycle, and ignoring the sign that tells me to stay away, I enter the wooden doorway. My body filled with an emotion that is yet to be given a name. As I climb the watchtower, I begin to wonder if all of this is just some giant metaphor for something else, something that can’t be explained with words. Each step toward the top tests me, as if life is testing me at this very moment. Eventually, as I near the top, the cracks in the surface become wider, making way for sunbeams.

The view from the top is of nothing of note. Tokyo Skytree hangs in the distance, slightly masked by concrete surroundings. In the direction I came from, I can see the water treatment plant and the barren riverbed. I stand at the top of the tower in silence for a while, watching the blue hue of the river for a time, before the sound of footsteps echo from below. A man appears. He looks devious, something very odd about him; like he means to cause trouble. He stands atop the watchtower with me, blissfully staring out into a void. The man doesn’t speak to me, and something about him makes me incredibly uneasy. I decide that I can’t stand here any longer, so I head back down the steps to my bicycle below.

I cross the river as fast as I can, somewhat unnerved. On the other side of the river, I take a right, following its path back toward what looks like civilisation. After twenty minutes of cycling, I realise I am slightly at a loss. I don’t really know where I am, and I’m not sure if the river I crossed was the Arakawa River or the Sumida River. Perhaps I have already cycled beyond the confluence.

I try to check the map on my camera, but nothing appears to work. I stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and take in my surroundings. Desolate. Empty. Nothing. Everything here looks abandoned, and it begins to reflect on me. Right now, even I feel completely abandoned; which is the strangest feeling I have suffered in a while. As I stand here, lost in the middle of something that might or might not be nothingness, a certain fear destroys my usual calm demeanour, and I begin to panic.

Everything will be fine, though. As if saved, I can just make out the silhouette of Tokyo Skytree on the horizon; so I point my bicycle in the direction of the structure. After what seems like an hour of following the river, I reach a bridge and am finally free to cross. This bridge takes me over the Arakawa River, so it appears that I never reached my destination, never found what I sought out to find. Regardless, I am finally back within familiar territory, heading back toward life. I stop to photograph a sign that probably has no relevance here, but perhaps it does. The sign appears to have been written by Yoda from Star Wars.

As the day continues to distract me, I inadvertently end up in Akihabara. Tired from three or four hours of intemperate exploration, I decide to leave my bicycle at the train station. Inside, I stand at the platform, waiting for the train to take me back to Minowa. It is here that I see yet another strange vending machine.

The machine offers four shelves of items, two of which are toys for children: two sets from the Nature in Japan series. Small models of various different animals native to the country. It is what is contained within the other two shelves that I find strange. At a bargain price of ¥200 per purchase, I can buy office ladies that sit on the edge of my coffee cup; legs open, underwear exposed.

Akihabara Station famously has signs at each escalator, warning women to watch out for ‘upskirting.’ Apparently, it is a law in Japan that all cameras must make a sound when a photograph is taken. With Akihabara being the home of electronics and comic books, lonely men have often been known to pry on women as they ride the escalator, sneakily taking photographs from below.

This vending machine perhaps tries to solve that problem. These coffee cup women are clearly exposing their undergarments, with no shame. The only shame is possibly when your co-workers see you with a decorated coffee cup featuring this type of imagery. ‘Make your office fun!’ ‘Happiness in your cup!’ are just some of the explanations on offer, scrawled in Japanese across the machine.

There are certain times in my life when my mind is simply not capable of understanding something, and this is certainly one of them.

Japanese New Year’s Day

Posted on 03/01/2015 by Luke

This morning, my plan is to wake up early to catch the first sunrise of the New Year. In my usual tardy fashion, I oversleep and wake up at 7 a.m. with the sun shining through my window. Always next year, I suppose. I head over to Asakusa to meet Christine. The fierce winds of last night have completely gone, but it is still cold outside. In fact, I might see my first Tokyo snow rather soon. I notice that the usual New Year’s Day kebab wrappers, vomit, people asleep in the gutter, and smashed beer bottles are missing from the street. Instead, people are cheerfully whistling on their way to work, and there isn’t a speck of litter on the immaculate Tokyo pavements.

I take Christine to the train station to see her off. Perhaps it’s tiredness or a hangover; who knows? But, I take her to the wrong train station. After rectifying my mistake, we rush to the correct station, but Christine misses her train by two minutes. Luckily, the next train will be arriving in half an hour, and she somehow manages to get to the airport in time for her flight. With the rest of the morning to kill, I head home to do a little writing before heading to Kudanshita Station.

I head over to Yasukuni Shrine and join the queue of thousands of other people there for Hatsumode.

Hatsumode is traditionally the first visit to a shrine of the New Year. During this visit, the first wish of the year is made, and it is said that this very first wish is always granted by the gods. The entrance to the shrine is lined with the usual market of delicious-smelling food—something to tempt me on the way out, no doubt.

After making my wish, I take a wander around Yasukuni Shrine. This shrine is steeped in controversy as it houses the spirits of people who died in combat while fighting for Japan in wars between 1867 and 1951. Additionally, the shrine honours the souls of deceased war criminals. There is a museum here where you can read letters written by kamikaze pilots that were left for their loved ones before they died.

After exploring the shrine, I decide to indulge in some sticks of fried cheese, along with my favourite street food: strange-looking but delicious yakisoba, layered in seaweed. I don’t care that my food looks like garden worms. ¥600 well spent.

I wander through the markets in the shrine and decide to purchase an omamori, a Japanese amulet sold at religious shrines. This talisman will find its place in my house, offering good fortune and protection from evil spirits. Next, I pay ¥100 to receive my second fortune of the year. Unfortunately for me, my fortune is written in Japanese. I attempt to translate it myself, and I get the following message:

“Whoever meets in this fortune is brought happiness that appeared by virtue of good people. I will be appearing, but the eye of devotion remains out of sight, like a ball hidden in the stone.”

On the way out of the temple, a man dressed as a dragon tries to ‘eat’ my head; apparently, this creature can devour the evil spirits residing inside me and cleanse my mind. Free sake is also offered, with donations welcome. I decide to leave the shrine and head back to Minowa to enjoy traditional New Year’s Day food.

My meal consists of shiitake mushrooms, carrots, lotus root, potatoes, burdock root, konnyaku, and taro potato, all generously given to me by one of the Japanese people who live in my apartment. The food is absolutely delicious.

After dinner, I decide to do something completely unrelated to Japanese New Year’s Day traditions. I open a cardboard stocking of weird snacks that my friend Marcus kindly gave me as a Christmas present. My snacks are as follows:

Tamago Boro, translating to mean ‘egg biscuits’, are crunchy round snacks that taste nothing like egg, only sugar. For no apparent reason, the packet features a giraffe kicking a football.

Chibichan Noodle claims, “Chicken I do eat as it is!” and suggests not adding any water. “Please make a sound when you eat. Pori pori.” Apparently, that’s the noise it makes when you chew on this treat. Imagine a packet of supermarket instant noodles that have been crushed. Add the little sachet of chicken seasoning, and then eat them raw. That’s what Chibichan Noodle tastes like to me. Horrible.

Pirate Candy: just seven individually wrapped orange-flavoured boiled sweets. Nothing exciting, and nothing that ties in with an association to pirates, as far as I can see. The Japanese text here says, “Let’s aim to reach Candy Island. Let’s go!

Abeseika Melon: these melon-flavoured snacks look like small headache tablets and have the texture of chalk. “Please enjoy as much as possible after opening!” Surprisingly, this is actually my favourite of the six snacks. The sweet quickly dissolves in my mouth, leaving behind a bitter lemon flavour and what can only be described as a ‘citrus blast’.

Kureyon Shin-chan: this snack features a popular anime character produced by TV Asahi. These little colourful balls of white, yellow, green, and orange taste just like gobstoppers. Perhaps they are. Oddly, the company that produces this particular snack is called Punishment, Inc. Although, I’ll happily admit that I have terrible translation skills.

Karappa: Finally, we have Karappa, which sounds to me like the English word ‘crap.’ This light and crunchy ring-shaped corn snack has the flavour of ‘famous’ Umauma Sauce. It has the same texture as Monster Munch and tastes a lot like beef. Although, I am led to believe Umauma Sauce is the flavour of horse meat.

Ticket to (almost) Ride

Posted on 26/12/2014 by Luke

Today is Christmas Day. I wake up at 4 a.m. with a Christmas party hangover. It is too early to think, but I have things to do. Today, my friend Christine is arriving in Japan from England, and it is my job to act as a tour guide for the next few days. I walk to Nippori Station and arrive a little too early for my train. In order to kill time, I wander over the tracks to witness my second sunrise in Japan, the warm winter sun silhouetting Tokyo Skytree. My photograph is ruined by a smudge across my lens.

Inside Nippori Station, it’s business as usual. Today might be Christmas, but for Japan, nothing changes. Salarymen dash to make their connections on the busy trains, Seven Eleven workers look exhausted from a heavy night shift, and ‘Let It Go’ blares from every speaker, as usual. It’s a normal business day here in Tokyo.

I take the Keisei Skyliner to Narita International Airport and wait. Eventually, my friend appears wearing a knitted Christmas jumper and a Santa hat. Despite seeing her in festive garb, it never really feels like Christmas. No trees and no snow; in fact, another clear warm day. There is no Christmas music in the airport either, just the constant drone of nonsensical announcements.

We take the Narita Express bound for Shinjuku Station. The Narita Express describes itself as ‘fast, convenient, and pleasant to ride,’ but never has a quotation been so far from the truth. On the train, Christine makes an offhand comment about whether things ever break in Japan. I tell her, ‘This is Japan,’ which translates to mean, ‘Things never break here.’ No less than five minutes later, our ‘pleasant to ride’ train crawls to a halt outside Sakura Station.

We sit on the train for what seems like an hour before an announcement in Japanese tells us all to get off. A kind Japanese man sitting one row in front of us explains to us in English what is happening. We have to take a Sobu Line train from here to Chiba before continuing toward Shinjuku on local trains. For some unexplained reason, the Narita Express and the rapid line are out of action. Apparently, our ¥3390 tickets can be refunded in Shinjuku.

Not wishing to spend all day sitting on trains, we decide to get off close to Asakusa. We wander to Senso-ji Temple to get our fortune, something that I very much enjoy doing. Christine receives a ‘Bad Fortune’ and leaves it for the gods. We eat sushi at my favourite standing sushi restaurant before taking the train to Akihabara.

In Akihabara, for reasons that can’t be discerned, Ultraman is seen riding a horse.

We hop on a Yamanote Line train and get off at a random station. Her choice is Nippori, my fourth visit to this station this week. We wander across the tracks and explore the many temples and shrines. Passing through Yanaka Ginza Street, we stop off at a small park. Tired and with feet hurting from too much walking, we take a breather at Zenshoan Temple. As we enter the temple grounds, in the distance stands a huge gold statue.

The statue of Kannon is impressive, but what is potentially even more captivating is the Ghost Museum. Sadly, the museum featuring silk scroll paintings depicting ghosts and macabre ghost stories is only open during the summer months. There’s something about horror stories warming your blood, which is the reason for the seasonal opening hours.

With all this talk of spirits, we take a wander through Yanaka Cemetery. I have visited here once before and found it incredibly peaceful, and do so now. There’s something about the perfect rows of decorated graves that is somewhat calming. Perhaps the quiet all around adds to this feeling. For some reason, the unfinished sign doesn’t display how winter should look here. The row of sakura trees and blossoming primrose jasmine in spring is a reason to once again walk among the dead next year.

We head back to a hostel in Asakusa, the same one I had previously stayed at for eighty-two days. Tonight, the hostel is having a Christmas party, and Santa Claus will be arriving at half past eight by subway train. Exhausted from a long day and in need of my own bed, I decide to give the party a miss and head home.

Back in Minowa, I dine on Domino’s Pizza (four seasons) and a New York Cheesecake. I could post a photograph of a Japanese pizza from Domino’s, but it really isn’t any different from anywhere else. Instead, here are some instructions for Christmas decorations that I saw earlier today:

Merry Christmas.

Palace Under Fire

Posted on 24/12/2014 by Luke

Today is His Imperial Majesty the Emperor’s 81st Birthday. To celebrate this momentous occasion, the people of Japan will enjoy a public holiday, taking a day off work. The only person not celebrating, it seems, is His Imperial Majesty the Emperor himself. Today, he will address the nation from the inner grounds of the Imperial Palace, a place that is only open to the public two days a year. Not one to pass up an opportunity to go inside the Imperial Palace walls, I head straight to Kanda Station directly after breakfast.

I enjoy a leisurely thirty-minute walk. The sky is clear, the sun is bright; it feels far too hot on this December day to resemble the apparent winter. His Imperial Majesty the Emperor himself couldn’t have ordered better weather for this special day, even if he tried. I walk to the Imperial Palace, stopping to admire some trees along the way. It seems that I go through phases of fascination, and, as you might be able to surmise, this month’s juncture is trees.

The trees here were once used by the Meteorological Agency to help further their studies into phenological phenomena. These Yoshino Cherry and Japanese Maple trees served as specimens. The long-term observations from studying these trees helped solve problems regarding changes in weather conditions almost sixty years ago. With this data, the Meteorological Agency can accurately predict the days when cherry blossoms will flower. An important and worthwhile discovery.

When I finally arrive at the Imperial Palace, I find out that I have missed His Imperial Majesty the Emperor’s speech by a mere two hours; I will still be allowed inside, though, if I can find the correct entrance. I wander around the outer Imperial Palace walls. There is a large statue of Wake no Kiyomaro, a preacher of Buddhism and once a trusted advisor to the Emperor during the Nara period.

Wake no Kiyomaro had his share of good and bad fortune. He was once exiled for years and forced to have the sinews of his legs cut out, rendering him immobile. Luckily, some stone boar statues magically came to life and healed his legs, and he was freed from exile. Eventually, he was reinstated as a trusted advisor to the Emperor. Nowadays, he is remembered by the grand title of ‘God of healing foot disease,’ and at this location outside the Imperial Palace, he has become a regular target for defecating birds.

I eventually find the entrance to the Imperial Palace grounds. Here, I get told off by a policeman for walking against the flow of people. One-way system, no signs. I head across the coned-off concrete and to a security checkpoint. After being thoroughly searched, I am clear to enter the inner grounds, free of charge. At the gate, I stand and watch a lifeless guard. He doesn’t blink for well over five minutes. I speculate that this man is actually an android, but his lack of animatronic function appears to counter my observation. I want to stay and watch, to see how long he can go without blinking, but a policeman kindly asks me to move along.

Inside the Imperial Palace grounds, there are more security guards than visitors. I wander past some overgrown trees and toward the Imperial Household Building. Outside, a small marquee has been erected. At the marquee, I am given the opportunity to write my name, nationality, and a nice message for His Imperial Majesty the Emperor. I write ‘Happy Birthday, His Imperial Majesty the Emperor.’ I take care to write it down neatly and deliberately. A sign hanging above tells me that my message of ‘Happy Birthday, His Imperial Majesty the Emperor,’ will be duly forwarded to its highest destination as an expression of my warm congratulations.

After signing, I continue along the one-way system. Still no signs. The grass here is completely overgrown and is in desperate need of a gardener. The Japanese taxpayer covers the cost of outer garden maintenance, which boasts neatly trimmed grass cut on a daily basis. It feels like a waste of money to me. Inside, it is a very different story. Perhaps the tax money doesn’t quite make it into the ‘inner sanctum,’ or maybe His Imperial Majesty the Emperor is required to cut the grass here by himself. I am not sure, but regardless, the grass inside the Imperial Palace grounds is an overgrown shambles.

I pass an Obansho Great Guardhouse, one of three remaining, and the final checkpoint on the way to the Imperial Palace. This place would have had the highest-ranking samurai guardsmen stationed here. Ironically, it is at this point that the security guard and police presence seems to completely diminish. Further along the path, someone appears to have forgotten their ladder.

I walk idly along, somewhat unimpressed. I head up a slope before passing through the remains of Chujakumon Gate and into the public gardens. These gardens are somewhat more remarkable than the rest of the Imperial Palace grounds; the grass here is cut really short. Before me stands an orchard. His Imperial Majesty the Emperor personally planted three of these cultivars in 2008: the Sanbokan Grapefruit, a sour orange; the Tangor, a cross between a tangerine and an orange; and the Cherry Orange, a variety of Mandarin orange. The orchard was created on the site of the Castle of Edo based on His Imperial Majesty the Emperor’s idea that visitors would be able to enjoy the popular fruits of the Edo era.

Forgetting about fruit and foliage for a moment, I decide to check out the mysterious Ishimuro Stone Cellar. Some people say this was an emergency storehouse to supply the inner section of the Imperial Palace. Some people say that this stone cellar housed an underground passage that once led directly into the Imperial Palace. Some people say that this cellar was a secret passage that led to hoards of treasure. I personally hope it was used as a secret passage, but perhaps I will never know. Despite the angle of the photograph, it is not possible to explore deeper inside the Ishimuro Stone Cellar, thanks to a fence blocking the entrance.

My final stop is the Tenshuku Donjon Base, the highest-ever donjon built in Japan and a symbol of the Tokugawa Shogunate’s authority. Just nineteen years after it was built, in 1657, there was a conflagration known as the Great Fire of Meireki. The fire lasted three days, claimed over 100,000 lives, and destroyed this donjon. It was never constructed again.

The view from the ruined donjon is the old Edo Castle Honmaru Goten Palace, now just a large lawn full of people sleeping and enjoying the sunshine. Formerly, this area was lined with buildings. Presumably, these too were burnt down during the Great Fire of Meireki; a fire that is considered to be one of the worst disasters in Japanese history. A fire that left the old Edo city, now known as Tokyo, in complete ruin.

The fire was said to be caused by a priest. According to legend, there was a cursed kimono that killed teenage girls, and the priest decided to burn it on that day in March 1657. It didn’t help that the buildings of that time were made from flammable materials such as wood, were built closely together, and had thin paper walls. The fire spread to all parts of Tokyo, leaving destruction and devastation in its wake.

From the ruined donjon, there is barely a trace left of the fire. All that remains is the site of an old castle now replaced by a neatly cut lawn, an orchard of lemon trees, and the overly developed city skyline looming in the distance.

Schindler’s Lift

Posted on 17/12/2014 by Luke

Recently I have been a little caught up with having a cold, taking numerous visits to the dentist, and a sudden urge to spend the remainder of my free time filling out multiple sheets of paperwork pertaining to banking and insurance. This morning, I head outside to discover that everything has fallen down. I lift my bicycle up from the floor, pulling it apart from the scattered mess of other fallen bikes. The temperature in Japan is freezing cold now. Two days ago, there was snow in central Tokyo. Today, a strong wind blows through the air. I take my bicycle, armed with winter clothes, and cycle to Asakusa.

I head over to Senso-ji, passing hordes of skeletal trees. For the next three days, a festival takes place. Something to do with badminton rackets, or so it seems.

Today is Hagoita-ichi, a festival of decorated battledores—old-style badminton rackets depicting characters from kabuki shows. There are about twelve different stores here, each selling these rackets at a high price. These decorated wooden boards are supposed to deflect evil; perhaps this is where the ‘bad’ comes from in badminton. The sport that these rackets are used for is something of a Japanese childhood game called ‘hanetsuki,’ very similar to badminton but played without a net. I suppose the evil is the shuttlecock, and hitting it toward your opponent is a way to deflect that evil upon others.

The traditional way that hanetsuki is played involves the use of face paint. If you lose a point, your opponent gets to rub paint on your face. If you were terrible at the game, I suppose after a while, your colourful face might begin to resemble one of the characters portrayed on the hagoita. These days, these rackets are mainly used for decoration purposes. Sandwiched between the stores selling badminton rackets are food shops, and one specific store caught my eye because it looked so out of place.

Daruma dolls are traditional Buddhist dolls depicting the image of Dharma, and they are considered a symbol of good luck. With white eyes that stare into nothingness, it is said that if you colour in one eye, you can make a wish. Once the wish comes true, colour in the second eye, and your Daruma is almost complete. The only thing left for the doll is to be returned to the temple it was bought from and burned. It feels slightly unfair to burn an object that has done its best to grant you a wish, but sadly, that’s just how these things go. As I am taking a photograph of the dolls, a man next to me is doing the same. His hat flies off his head in a gust of wind. Somehow, I manage to reach my hand up and catch his hat in mid-air, like a pro.

After the festival, I go to Akihabara for some Christmas shopping. In Japan, where Alcatraz-themed restaurants and robot cabaret shows are common, it’s no longer strange to find a cafe themed around a popular girl idol band. Akihabara is bustling with comic book stores, video game shops, and large electronic department stores. However, that’s not my reason for being here. Almost instinctively, I leave the station and head directly to the AKB48 Cafe and Shop.

The last twenty-three single releases by AKB48 have consistently claimed the top spot on the charts, indicating their immense popularity among Japanese people. One clever marketing strategy involves including a ticket for a handshake with a band member with every CD purchase. Observing the guy in front of me in the queue buying over one hundred copies of the same CD, it’s clear that he’s a fan of the handshake perk. I exit the store with ten copies of ‘Kiboteki Refrain’, and I can’t help but feel like a weirdo. Nevertheless, I’ve managed to wrap up Christmas shopping for ten people in less than ten minutes.

Before returning to Asakusa, I make a detour to Yodobashi Camera to play some piano. However, after thirty minutes, I decide to leave because one of the staff members is giving me an ‘are you going to buy anything?’ sort of look. Outside Akihabara Station, somebody seems to have mixed their Christmas up with Easter.

For some unknown reason, it is not possible to open a bank account in Japan unless you have lived here for a minimum of six months. Since my time in the country has exceeded that quota by almost three weeks, I decided it was about time to get my documents in order and take the plunge toward integration. But, I can’t just wander into a bank saying, “I have been here six months, give me a bank account!” First, I need to get myself a personal seal. Not the aquatic mammal I had been hoping for; this seal is more like a stamp and is known as an ‘inkan’.

I head over to a small inkan shop opposite Tawaramachi Station and take the escalator up to the second floor. The escalator provides me with amusement, and the title of this overdue blog post practically writes itself.

Inside the shop, there are wonderfully expensive stamps on display in high-priced cases. Since I am only getting this product for one reason – a bank account – I opt for the second cheapest option available. The woman draws a circle that takes up a whole page of A4 paper and asks me to write my name in the way I would like it to be engraved in the stamp. Horizontally or vertically? Kanji or katakana? I don’t really care, so I just scribble my name across the paper as quickly as possible, and with very little thought.

Next, I select a case, once again opting for one of the cheapest available, but still seemingly of high quality. Perhaps there is no such thing as bad quality inkan. I hand over ¥2950, the cost of both the inkan and the case. The woman informs me that it will be ready in thirty minutes, hands me a slip of paper, and asks me to bring it back with me when ‘my time is up’.

Half an hour later, I am the proud owner of my very own inkan. Naturally, I head home immediately and start stamping my name on everything I own.

The Amazing Kanda Adventure

Posted on 02/11/2014 by Luke

I exit Kanda station and walk toward the area known as Jinbocho. On the way, I stroll along a street featuring thirty-six sports shops, all lined up next to each other. There is also a small festival taking place here, the 20th Kanda Sports Festival. I continue walking until I see a sign that suggests pluralisation came as an afterthought.

Jinbocho is named after Nagaharu Jinbo, a samurai who used to live here in days gone by. Although they took his name, there is little to no information about him on the Internet. Perhaps I can find something about him in one of the many history books on sale here today.

Book Town is great. One side of the street is exclusively used book shops. Little lanterns line the length of the street, and outside the usual stores, a massive corridor of small bookcases stretches the length of the event. On a typical day of book shopping, you would be spoiled for choice, but today, at the 55th Kanda Used Book Festival, the sheer number of used books in one area surpasses that of anywhere else in the world.

There is a shop specialising in only fashion books, another selling just manga comics, and another selling rare history books; they even have one book for sale for ¥350,000. There is something I find calming about walking the aisles of a bookshop. Nobody is here trying to lure me into their shop, nobody asks me to enter when I am already inside, and nobody inside is speaking. The squeaking sound of my wet shoes is the only thing disturbing the silence.

The bookshops seem to stretch endlessly. I notice some arrows painted on the floor, so I follow them to a small charity-run street festival. Rows of stalls offer various foods. One man sits at a table, seemingly designated for people to leave their used plates and cutlery. I glance at the man, and he just shrugs his shoulders; he doesn’t know why he’s sitting there either.

At the other end of the festival, more bookshops await. I browse a little longer before heading in the direction of Ogawa Square for my fourth street festival of the day. Today’s event is the Kanda Curry Grand Prix, where twenty different shops are all selling ¥500 curry in the hopes of attaining the grand prize. A polling station with an honesty policy is in place; if I wanted, I could continuously vote for the same shop over and over.

Kanda boasts over two hundred curry restaurants, making it the perfect choice of location for this competition. Outside every stall, a tout shouts at me to go buy their food. A woman in a maid outfit gives me a smile and points in the direction of the store she is here to promote. Soaking wet mascots wander around, and there is a stage featuring live music. Three young women are signing autographs for middle-aged men. The enticing smell of curry keeps me at Ogawa Square for half an hour before it is time to go.

I walk back to Akihabara and take the Hibiya Line to Minowa. Every piece of advertising space on the train is for the same company. On Japanese trains, there are usually about thirty to forty adverts in each carriage; however, on this train, all signs exclusively advertise an urban park town. Very strange.

I grab some things from home before cycling over to Asakusa, specifically to Cafe Byron Bay for a Halloween party. At the cafe, I put on makeup in the hope of looking like a zombie. Friends come and go, some with costumes and others without. Free Halloween-themed sweets are on offer, and glowing plastic pumpkins litter the cafe.

At one point, I am asked to fetch a forgotten cake from a local bakery. While waiting at the traffic lights, I notice a little child with her mother also waiting to cross the road. They are looking at me, so I make zombie noises at the child; the child screams and hides behind her mother’s leg. All in the good spirit of Halloween.

Back at the cafe, two French chefs are here to cook for everybody, and they are excellent chefs. Canapés, crêpes, and tuna gratin are the highlights. We are then treated to some live music from a local act and enjoy some delicious cake.

As the party draws to a close, a Japanese friend of mine hands me a signed copy of his book. It is my favourite book of his, albeit the only one I have ever read; the others are written in Japanese. I find it difficult to show feelings of genuine gratitude dressed as a zombie, but I will absolutely treasure his gift.

After the party, we head out to another bar for an event known as ‘Trick or Drink!’ I try to stay in character at the bar, bumping into walls, mumbling, and dragging one leg as I walk. Homer Simpson is the disc jockey, and his music choice is better than I would have imagined. My sumo wrestler friend is here too, still taller than me but a lot less drunk than the last time we met.

After getting photographed with a sumo wrestler while dressed in zombie makeup, I decide there isn’t really much else left to do in the world, so I head home to sleep.

Eat Fish or Die Tryin’

Posted on 03/09/2014 by Luke

I meet my friend Dagmar for breakfast at ten. At breakfast, I drink away my hangover with a bottle of a tasteless drink called ‘Delicious Water’ before heading out alone for the train. Someone told me yesterday that beneath the banks and office buildings between Mitsukoshimae Station and Otemachi Station, hidden deep underground, the Japanese government grows secret rice.

Somewhere along the Ginza Line, my train just powers down. All the lights extinguish, plunging the carriage into an abyss of darkness. The train drifts aimlessly towards Ueno Station and finally grinds to a haunting halt. The silence thickens, shrouding the dead train in an eerie stillness, an unsettling void that grips the carriage. Everyone remains silent, messing with their mobile phones, despite the obvious sorrow of the situation. It is all very worrying. About five minutes pass, and there is an announcement in Japanese, then nothing. A further five minutes, and the train starts up like nothing ever happened.

As I exit Mitsukoshimae Station, I accidentally wander into an adjacent department store.

Inside the department store, there is a Mask Art Museum, and it is free. A nice but rather small exhibition. The store housing the museum is incredibly upmarket. I ask politely if I am allowed to take photographs, and lucky for me, it is fine. The exhibition actually ends today. Rather fittingly, all of the mannequins in this department store are wearing masks.

One thing I have noticed in Japan are the many strange museums. I believe I have previously mentioned the famous World Bags and Luggage Museum. A few other favourites of mine that I am yet to visit are the Gas Science Museum, the National Leprosy Museum, and the Parasite Museum.

I wander around for a while looking for the entrance to the secret underground rice bunker. It takes a while but I eventually find a huge office building that has every window on one side completely covered in plants. On the other side of the building I scare away an eagle pecking at a gold statue of Prometheus. This must be the place, I think to myself. It turns out it is.

Deeply tucked away in the second basement level of a huge skyscraper, they grow rice. I am not entirely sure why they grow rice, but people are free to come and see it. Huge natural light shines from above. Rice grows. From what I was told, this area stretches under the whole business district, although it doesn’t. The size of the area was heavily exaggerated to me. The rice isn’t really that much of a secret; it’s not too well advertised, but no one is trying to hide the fact that it grows here either. In fact, I think it’s encouraged for people to come here and learn about rice cultivation. So, another urban myth shattered then.

After looking at rice for a few minutes, I decide to walk to the Imperial Palace. I’m surprised by how close the stations are to each other in this area. Tokyo, Kanda, Shinbashi, and Nihonbashi Stations are literally within a five-minute walk of each other. Outside the Imperial Palace, about thirty elderly Japanese people are sitting and painting.

The Imperial Palace is home to Emperor Akihito, the last remaining monarch in the world to go by the name of Emperor. There isn’t really much else to see at the palace. The grass outside is cut immaculately, and the water fountains spray jets of water about two metres into the air. I notice there is a great view of Tokyo Station from the Palace car park, though. I wander to the nearby Ginza Station and take the train back to Asakusa.

I decide to inspect a potential apartment. Small apartments in Japan are ironically referred to as “mansions.” These one-room coffin apartments offer little to no space and an equal amount of comfort. Another phenomenon in Japan is the grouping of shops, whole areas dedicated to selling one type of product. The area where the apartment is housed is completely surrounded by funeral shops. One street has eight shops in a row, all selling tombstones. I decide the area doesn’t quite feel right. Chimes sound from nowhere as I head back to the hostel, chiming five times signalling 5 p.m.

At 6 p.m., Richard, Luis, Remi, and I head to a nearby restaurant that serves fugu. Jokes are made about toxicity, tetrodotoxin, paralysis, and death. In reality, fugu poison is one-thousand two-hundred times stronger than cyanide; this is no laughing matter. The most poisonous part of the fish is the liver. Outside the restaurant, we watch our dinner for a while, graciously swimming around in a tank. In a moment, this beautiful blowfish will be killed on our behalf; we sure hope it doesn’t have a taste for revenge.

There was a time when a fugu chef would have to pass a training course of ten years before being given certification to prepare fugu. These laws changed about three years ago, and now the rules state just a two or three-year course is required. We really hope that our chef today is of the older generation.

We take a seat in a tatami room. We order fresh blowfish sashimi. We also order diced blowfish sashimi just so I can make a pun about how we diced with death. Oddly, one of the options on the menu is hot sake with dried blowfish fin floating in the liquid. “We only serve the finest live domestic tiger blowfish,” says the menu. Served live? I certainly hope not. We wait anxiously for our food to arrive.

The poisonous fish is served in elegantly arranged translucent slices; it doesn’t look very threatening.

A taste for revenge would be an overstatement. A taste of anything would be welcome. The food is the freshest fish I have ever tasted, of course; it has been dead just minutes. The food is also the least tasty fish I have ever had. It has no flavour at all; perhaps there is a subtle hint of death. I’m just glad we went to a cheap non-certified restaurant. It costs us just ¥5480 between the four of us for two dishes and four drinks.

I tried the sacred fugu of Japan and all I got was this lousy anecdote.

Last Stop: This Town

Posted on 16/08/2014 by Luke

Wednesday

Never have I been so happy to hear the monotonous drone from the speakers at Tawaramachi Station. Today I am back in Tokyo, back in Asakusa; my days of exploring are over for now. I have three nights in a hotel, before another long stay at the very first hostel I started at; the best hostel in the world. I don’t begin my stay there until Saturday, but I am eager to get back there as soon as possible.

My hotel is in a previously undiscovered part of Asakusa, away from the temple and tourists. Next door is an Indian restaurant. After checking into my hotel I decide Indian food would be a good choice. My hotel, unlike in Hamamatsu, has wireless Internet. I can access the Internet from the Indian restaurant, which is a nice bonus. The food is actually very good. Like Pacman eating those little dots, I devour every little grain of rice.

pacman

After dinner I head out to the hostel. Today is Wednesday, the bar is open for guests, and I have nowhere else to go. My friend Hiro is the barman tonight, jazz musician and comedian. I say hello to people I know, and meet a few new people too. It would be fair to say that since leaving Kyoto I haven’t really seen many people, or had many conversations in English. Having a chance to speak to people tonight is just great.

I get a little drunk, and leave at midnight.

Thursday

Today I have made plans to meet Paul, a Scotsman I met in Fukuoka. I go for breakfast at my favourite cafe, Byron Bay. Still number one in Taito on TripAdvisor. I drink one of the ‘as seen on TV’ green tea lattes, and eat happy eggs on local bread. The owner tells me that since being featured on Moshimo Tours, she has been really busy every night. After breakfast and a nice catch up, I meet with Paul and we grab a train to Akihabara.

Paul and I head to a department store called Yodobashi Camera, an electronics chain store. This place is huge, has nine floors, and sells just about everything. Paul is shopping for headphones and this shop has thousands to choose from; the headphone display is set up in a way that you can plug them into your device and try them out. While Paul does this, I sit and play an electric piano. A homeless man sits down at the piano next to me and bursts into an amazing classical piece. He plays well, really well. It is a shame to see someone with so much talent going to waste. A real shame.

After our headphone expedition, we take a quick trip on the Yamanote Line to Yurakucho Station. Outside the station, we venture into another massive electronics chain store, Bic Camera. Our quest here is for the fabled Casio CA53W-1, the classic Casio watch with a built-in calculator. At midnight on December 31st, 1999, this Casio calculator watch was the only electronic device in the world challenged by the famous Millennium Bug. Widespread panic ensued when everyone with this watch seemingly travelled back in time to the year one-thousand. Unfortunately, our search for the watch ends in failure. Disheartened, we give up and head back to Akihabara by train.

There was me, that is Luke, and my droog, that is Paul, and we sat in the Akihabara Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening.

milk bar

We decide to visit a video game arcade. Paul manages to win a t-shirt on a crane claw machine and kindly gives it to me as a present. After spending a few thousand Yen, we head over to play some of the ‘classic’ shooting games. The game we choose is a hybrid, blending the traditional shooting-monsters-with-a-gun style with a dance game where you hit buttons according to the rhythm. Surprisingly, this game also boasts a very in-depth storyline.

The game is of course the amazing, ‘Sailor Zombie: AKB48’.

The members of the girl idol band AKB48 have been turned into zombies, and our task is to defeat them. The most amusing part is when the zombies abruptly halt their attacks and break into song and dance, triggering the rhythm game. We play through our 15 continues, maybe an hour passes, before we finally give up.

AKBzombie

After the arcade, we opt for some Japanese Italian food at a Saizeriya restaurant. Then, around half past six, it’s back to Byron Bay for a quick Laphroaig before we head to the jazz night at the hostel. There, to my surprise, I bump into Yojiro, my friend and table tennis rival from Beppu.

After the jazz session, I share a few more drinks with Paul. Soon, our group expands with the arrival of an Australian named Sam, a Japanese gentleman, an Argentine girl, and Dagmar, a German girl I met just last night. Dagmar and I engage in a delightful hour-long conversation about The Curse of Monkey Island—I boast about having the courage and skill of a master swordsman! We spend a considerable amount of time amusing ourselves with pirate insults and banter, while everyone else around us remains clueless about the ‘code’ we’re speaking.

At midnight the six of us head out to A.S.A.B. and drink there until five in the morning.

Friday

My morning kicks off as usual, starting with a strong cup of coffee at Cafe Byron Bay, followed by not much else. The entire day unfolds without any noteworthy events. I meander through the streets of Asakusa, as if searching for something inexplicable. Eventually, I station myself outside Seven Eleven to tap into their wireless Internet. Unexpectedly, one of the comedians from the Moshimo Tours television show, Udo Suzuki, strolls by with a film crew in tow. Quick to grab my camera, I encounter the familiar scenario: a man materialises seemingly out of nowhere. “No photographs!” he insists, arms forming a cross to obstruct my lens.

After a day spent doing absolutely nothing, I return to Cafe Byron Bay for the fourth time in two days to meet Klaus, my German friend from Fukuoka, along with his girlfriend, Desi. We enjoy a few drinks there before deciding to venture across town to Nui, known as the finest bar in Asakusa. Nui truly lives up to its reputation. While I’ve been here several times before, I find myself repeatedly drawn back by its impressive interior design and reasonable menu. A Suntory whisky highball costs ¥500, and any cocktail is also ¥500—a great deal.

The three of us sit and talk until half past eleven before parting ways. A certain sadness sweeps over me as I bid farewell to Klaus and Desi—a feeling of melancholy I haven’t experienced in quite some time.

On the walk back to my hotel, I pass the illuminated Tokyo Skytree, “May the light connect the past and future, and reach the hearts of people.”

In a City of the Future it is Difficult to Concentrate

Posted on 05/06/2014 by Luke

Breakfast from a Seven Eleven. The quality and selection of food in Japanese convenience stores is amazing. The Cheese Mushi Cake was actually quite pleasant; soft with a very light texture, softer than a sponge cake with a subtle hint of cheese. I wash it down with a blueberry yogurt drink. It is a wonderful time.

Today is laundry day; I grab some of the ‘free’ detergent from the reception and head up to the 4th floor of the hostel. The laundry room here is amazing. It costs me ¥200 to wash my clothes. Also in the laundry room random plugs litter the floor, there is a stone water fountain, and a bathtub full of colourful plastic balls.

I see Daisuke here, he is on his break and just chilling out in the laundry area. I ask him to take my photograph. Afterwards, he starts to pick up some of the balls and begins to throw them at me. We have a ‘fight’ for a short while before tidying up our multicoloured mess.

After laundry, I take a six minute train ride to Akihabara Electric Town. I go into a few of the shops looking specifically for models of Final Fantasy characters for a friend back home. In one shop I see Magic the Gathering cards next to the pornography. In another shop the lift is playing House of Cards by Radiohead. Elsewhere in Akihabara the girl idol band AKB48 are doing a meet and greet, the queue of adult males is insane.

Inside the Club Sega arcade, elderly individuals sit alone whilst playing computer games, while men in suits attempt to win stuffed Pikachus from crane claw machines. Elsewhere, a woman dressed in a maid costume hands out flyers for a maid cafe.

Akihabara is a little too much and the humidity is high today. I begin to feel a little dizzy so I head back to Asakusa. On my way back I see a sign saying, ‘In the stations, please refrain from putting a thing on the floor.’ At the hostel it’s 5 p.m. and Daisuke has just finished his shift. I join him in the lounge for a beer and he once again emphasises that I should go to the Robot Restaurant. Soon, I tell him.

I am invited out for a trip to Shibuya for some sightseeing and food. A group of six of us is randomly formed, including Conor, Grant, and Edwina from previous evenings; and we head out to Shibuya. This time I get the chance to see if people crossing the road looks any better during a busy evening surrounded in neon lights. I admit, it is a little better than the day time, but it is still just people crossing a road.

There are some quality English signs here in Shibuya. The highlights for me are a restaurant called the Raj Mahal, a dress shop called 1000% Wedding, and a drinking establishment called Gaspanic.

We search a while in Shibuya until we find a restaurant that we all agree on. We buy our meal tickets from the vending machine outside; I order the ‘no pork’ vegetarian ramen and a beer for ¥1380. After ordering we go inside, sit down and hand over our ticket. Eventually our food comes out. It looks pretty good and tastes pretty good. My ramen contains cabbage, spring onions, beansprouts, and noodles in an unidentifiable broth.

After lunch, the group splits. Conor and the others head off to check out a love hotel. Edwina, Grant and I head back to the hostel. On the train there is a sign advertising Suntory Strong Zero. The sign, for no apparent reason says, ‘Suntory Strong Zero 9% Wash You!’ On the way back to the hostel we stop off at the five-storey convenience store. At the store I buy a 135ml can of Asahi for ¥95. It is the smallest can of beer I have ever seen. I also buy a bottle of my favourite Japanese whisky.

At the hostel we do some drinking. Eventually the others return and we regroup for a few games of cards and some bad magic tricks. The night ends at around 2 a.m. We make plans for the following morning then go our separate ways to sleep.

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